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Daily Deviations by thorns

Literature by Odinite

Literature and Poetry by kremlin-dawn

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Submitted on
February 11, 2012
File Size
1.1 KB


358 (who?)
I swallowed stones for a girl once,
tethered a daughter to my arm,
raised her with my own hands,
and pulsed so much blood
through the wire
it became a vein.

Eventually I fell,
slammed to the floor,
like a marionette savagely thrown
against a wall.
My guts were full,
of sediment and
my stomach swelled too much.

I breathed dust and ants,
swallowed as much as I was able,
and tried to get up
with my daughter in tow.

Clumsily falling back over,
with bruised hands and
forced, rough, breathing,
I felt tension
from the other side.

The line pulled taut and hard
and dragged me from its end
across so many splintering boards
I bled from my fingers trying
to fight it.

it frayed and snapped.
Admittedly, I cried for it
and I shoveled debris and carted blood
swearing the whole time
I'd never swallow stones for a girl

Then I met you.
It was brought up and I think it holds some sway in maybe helping you all understand this poem a little better. About two months ago I lost my daughter.

Come on guys, give feedback!
Slap that fave button, post a comment, do something!

Don't just look n' leave :saddummy:


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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-12-18
Swallow by ~glen ( Suggested by Storyteller21 and Featured by thorns )
NearlyInvisibleMind Featured By Owner May 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is phenomenal! :tears: :strong: :clap: :rose:
Storyteller21 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012   Writer
Its been almost a year since I read this and faved it, now I wish I could fave it again. I love how each meticulously chosen word weaves seamlessly to make such a moving piece. Its been close to a year since I first read this and it's still touching. That is the mark of a brilliant writer :D

I'm so glad you got the DD and this whole wave of positive feedback :)
CrazyLilAnnie Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Student General Artist
The line "pulsed so much blood through the wire it became a vein" was so powerful it made the hair on my arm stand up. This poem is so beautifully raw it nearly made me cry, then I read your artist statement and I realized why it got me so choked up. I am so sorry for your loss. You are a beautiful writer, and I am glad to hear that you decided not to give up on your dream.
TygerTyger12 Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
i would never leave without a comment this is truely amazing and well written it definatly gets a fav!!!
KyuubiProxy Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
Received a DD very deservedly. The flow is very nice, and it gives me the feel of literally feeling very "torn up" about the situation. I have not cried yet, but upon reading your comment, a lump of feeling within my throat has formed.
Miyori999 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012   General Artist
At first, I didn't know what happened. I assumed it was a miscarriage, but after reading your comment, it makes me feel worse about what happened. I've never lost anyone, but the way you word this immerses the reader into it, and makes me feel very sad.
NekoNekoGirl997 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm so sorry for your daughter... And you show the most beautiful love towards her.
RoyalBlackheart Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012   Writer
This was almost painful to read. It's not overly graphic, giving the reader the ability to draw it out for themselves.
Wonderful and so very deep. I am so very incredibly sorry for your loss.
glen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for your reply and I'm glad this moved you :) It means a lot to me. I really enjoyed your poem Delicate Petals, especially the lines:

"I like to hide in your depths
Sink into despair
or softly rise up like a phoenix."

Keep it up!
iNSaNiTY-Piano Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
This is very emotional but very well done
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