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Daily Deviations by thorns

Literature and Poetry by kremlin-dawn


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Submitted on
February 11, 2012
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4,473 (1 today)
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I swallowed stones for a girl once,
tethered a daughter to my arm,
raised her with my own hands,
and pulsed so much blood
through the wire
it became a vein.

Eventually I fell,
slammed to the floor,
like a marionette savagely thrown
against a wall.
My guts were full,
of sediment and
my stomach swelled too much.

I breathed dust and ants,
swallowed as much as I was able,
and tried to get up
with my daughter in tow.

Clumsily falling back over,
with bruised hands and
forced, rough, breathing,
I felt tension
from the other side.

The line pulled taut and hard
and dragged me from its end
across so many splintering boards
I bled from my fingers trying
to fight it.

Until,
it frayed and snapped.
Admittedly, I cried for it
and I shoveled debris and carted blood
swearing the whole time
I'd never swallow stones for a girl
again.

Then I met you.
It was brought up and I think it holds some sway in maybe helping you all understand this poem a little better. About two months ago I lost my daughter.

Come on guys, give feedback!
Slap that fave button, post a comment, do something!

Don't just look n' leave :saddummy:


=)

Support your community! If you should feel that this piece should be featured as a daily deviation, please note ^Beccalicious or $wreckling who are the acting literary deciders of Daily Deviations and let them know!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-12-18
Swallow by ~glen ( Suggested by Storyteller21 and Featured by thorns )
:iconnearlyinvisiblemind:
NearlyInvisibleMind Featured By Owner May 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is phenomenal! :tears: :strong: :clap: :rose:
Reply
:iconstoryteller21:
Storyteller21 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012   Writer
Its been almost a year since I read this and faved it, now I wish I could fave it again. I love how each meticulously chosen word weaves seamlessly to make such a moving piece. Its been close to a year since I first read this and it's still touching. That is the mark of a brilliant writer :D

I'm so glad you got the DD and this whole wave of positive feedback :)
Reply
:iconcrazylilannie:
CrazyLilAnnie Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Student General Artist
The line "pulsed so much blood through the wire it became a vein" was so powerful it made the hair on my arm stand up. This poem is so beautifully raw it nearly made me cry, then I read your artist statement and I realized why it got me so choked up. I am so sorry for your loss. You are a beautiful writer, and I am glad to hear that you decided not to give up on your dream.
Reply
:icontygertyger12:
TygerTyger12 Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
i would never leave without a comment this is truely amazing and well written it definatly gets a fav!!!
Reply
:iconkyuubiproxy:
KyuubiProxy Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
Received a DD very deservedly. The flow is very nice, and it gives me the feel of literally feeling very "torn up" about the situation. I have not cried yet, but upon reading your comment, a lump of feeling within my throat has formed.
Reply
:iconmiyori999:
Miyori999 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012   General Artist
At first, I didn't know what happened. I assumed it was a miscarriage, but after reading your comment, it makes me feel worse about what happened. I've never lost anyone, but the way you word this immerses the reader into it, and makes me feel very sad.
Reply
:iconnekonekogirl997:
NekoNekoGirl997 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm so sorry for your daughter... And you show the most beautiful love towards her.
Reply
:iconroyalblackheart:
RoyalBlackheart Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012   Writer
This was almost painful to read. It's not overly graphic, giving the reader the ability to draw it out for themselves.
Wonderful and so very deep. I am so very incredibly sorry for your loss.
Reply
:iconglen:
glen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for your reply and I'm glad this moved you :) It means a lot to me. I really enjoyed your poem Delicate Petals, especially the lines:

"I like to hide in your depths
Sink into despair
or softly rise up like a phoenix."

Keep it up!
Reply
:iconinsanity-piano:
iNSaNiTY-Piano Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
This is very emotional but very well done
Reply
:iconglen:
glen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! lol, your picture of "An Annoyed German" made me laugh. Do all your pictures of Germany end up looking like angry, pissed off dudes?
Reply
:iconinsanity-piano:
iNSaNiTY-Piano Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
Thank you. I'm not really sure. I haven't tried drawing Germany that often. It's good to know that I made someone laugh though :)
Reply
:iconrataafalava:
rataafalava Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
terribly sorry about your daughter. :(
this is quite a read. great imagery and flow.

congrats on the DD.
Reply
:iconglen:
glen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much. I really like "The Widow" by the way. For being practice it's very... sultry? I don't know if that's the right word for it. Soft, I suppose. I like it very much and I hope you continue your work in that medium.

Also, quite seriously, "Tar Pits" is awesome and I want it in my living room.
Reply
:iconrataafalava:
rataafalava Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
you're quite welcome! and thank you so much for the kind words and for taking the time to view and favorite my work! as i'm sure you know, it's always wonderful to feel appreciated.
Reply
:iconmwanadongo:
mwanadongo Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is just so very powerful.
It's very beautiful and deep, with wonderful imagery.
It makes one feel and grieve a little inside.
I hope you have peace and healing through this, friend.
:pray:
Reply
:iconglen:
glen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much. It sounds like you've been in my place before, at least suffering through a depression for whatever reason(or even no reason, right?) I really did enjoy "loop." Its very evocative of how it feels to get stuck in that... well, loop. :)
Reply
:iconnixiecole:
NixieCole Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
I have to read this poem a couple times to enjoy and connect all the pieces hidden in the words and imagine the images and feel the sense of the poem. Well paced, not telling or showig too much too soon, nice imagery
Reply
:iconglen:
glen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Your piece "Secret of the Sea" is very well done. I love the opening line:
You won't find a darker sea than mine.

Very intriguing. :) I wish you the best of luck and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Reply
:iconnixiecole:
NixieCole Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
I'm glad you had a chance to read it :) and thank you as well
Reply
:iconxaniawonder:
XaniaWonder Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
amazing!
Reply
:iconglen:
glen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconharley91594:
Harley91594 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The imagery in this is stunning.
Reply
:iconjdluvasqee:
JDLuvaSQEE Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful!!
Reply
:iconsaphyre-skies:
Saphyre-skies Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful poem. The second stanza is striking, such vivid imagery.
Reply
:iconnosugarjustanger:
nosugarjustanger Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
I enjoyed reading this. :)

I spotted a typo though!

The line pulled taught and hard
and dragged me from it's end
across so many splintering boards
I bled from my fingers trying
to fight it.


It should've been "its end". :meow:
Reply
:iconglen:
glen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, thank you. I'm usually very good with grammar I promise :) But I appreciate you taking the time to read this and giving your opinion. I will be sure to correct it asap!
Reply
:iconnosugarjustanger:
nosugarjustanger Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
You're welcome! :hug:
Reply
:iconfallingflowers:
FallingFlowers Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Student General Artist
Very good and sad at the same time :iconsmile-luplz: :iconuu-plz:
Reply
:iconmiss-ellanious:
Miss-Ellanious Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
I don't know how to comment on this, I feel like something in my heart just got pulled at in a very real way. Beautiful doesn't even begin to cover how I see this. :heart:
Reply
:iconredemmo:
Redemmo Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
I was just going to look & leave before I saw your comment.

I do find it a good poem; it conveys a lot of strong emotions, but it's just that it's too raw for me to really enjoy. I suppose you could say that (for me at least), it's too good of a poem :)
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Amazing work!
Very authentic and raw.
Reply
:iconangelwhisper19:
AngelWhisper19 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Wow, this is beautiful. The form that this is written is meaningful and strong, I couldn't help but feel saddened and content at the same time, as the poem has a certain "after-life" feeling to it. Just beautiful.
Reply
:iconsapphiresoul102:
SapphireSoul102 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is really touching and beautiful, and I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter
Reply
:iconmountainmew:
MountainMew Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Student Writer
This is genuinely one of the best poems I've read on this site. Absolutely lovely~
Reply
:iconiluvart88:
iluvart88 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
I'm sorry for your loss.
beautifully painful poem though
Reply
:iconmad1123:
mad1123 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love it!!!!!!! know exactly what you mean!
Reply
:iconkittiesbyme:
KittiesByMe Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Such a beautiful poem. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
Reply
:iconeloradust:
EloraDust Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Painful to read, but beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Reply
:iconcamerartus:
Camerartus Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Professional General Artist
I thought that was the case, I could follow it.
Reply
:iconrainacornasusgirl:
Rainacornasusgirl Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist
im very sorry you lost your daughter. i can feel your pain
Reply
:iconrosuto-kia:
rosuto-kia Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful little poem, and I'm sorry about your daughter. I'm still young so I don't know what it's like to loose someone like that, but I hope you will be able to heal as much as possible when you are ready.
Reply
:iconpangaeawillbeback:
PangaeaWILLBeBack Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
It's things like these that make me believe in humanity once again. God bless.
Reply
:iconbethebelle13:
Bethebelle13 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:huggle:
Reply
:icondark-eerie-light:
Dark-Eerie-Light Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Student Artist
:hug:
Reply
:icontoraandkyoko:
ToraAndKyoko Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
I am sorry - I cannot begin to imagine, what must be going on inside you.
The only thing I can say is that I have no idea, why I clicked this and why I have read it - I usually donīt. And although I do not understand it completely, it has touched me deeply. Hopefully one day my English will be sufficient to get a full grasp. Thank you for sharing.
Reply
:iconsiajcat:
Siajcat Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Student General Artist
:love: so very lovely...a well-deserved DD also. This was such a good read, I read it twice.
Reply
:iconandreea-oana:
andreea-oana Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
wow just wow
Reply
:iconninakuru:
ninakuru Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Powerfull, I really enjoyed reading. It's very intelligently written and the emotions are greatly portrayed. Great work.
Reply
:iconcobainlives:
CobainLives Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love the intense imagery you used with things like, 'I breathed dust and ants,' 'my guts were full of sediment.' This piece totally deserved the DD, congrats btw!! :D
Reply
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